3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
