yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
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One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
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I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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