guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
