I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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