That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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