Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
