She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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