If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
