He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
