I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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