oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
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Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
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You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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