You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
