How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
