Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
