My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
