This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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