I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
