I wish i was in the wii world.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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