I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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