Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
