I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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