how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
