shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
