I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
