do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
it hurts more in the daytime
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
