..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
wat bout pragnant strippers??
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
