I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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