there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
