YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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