She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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