no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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