why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
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somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
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i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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