Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
