Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
