You're my little dorito
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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