Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
