Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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