whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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