we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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