you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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