Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I take back everything I said about communal showers
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
