cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
This is the high leading the old right now
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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