I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
