hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
she peed on how many people?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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