He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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