ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I want to make a zoo with you.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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