just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Watching her eat just hurts me
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
