I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Randomize
