i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
