it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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