I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
