32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
