what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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