I wish I could teleport
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I forget how to act sober
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
