I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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