remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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