K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I need to wash the frat house off of me
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
