I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
