Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
