I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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