So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I need a beard to bite.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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