i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
