Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
