worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Congratulations! We have a period
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
