I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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