Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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