Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize