I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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