I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
